Christopher S. Wilson

Tag: Humor

  • The Crossed-Out God

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    ARSE4LIFE
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    Unpublished short fiction Tobias was born on a boat in the harbor. Back then there was just one God and God was the largest thing. Tobias’s grandfather was a boat captain, and the giant God was in the sea around them, but also in the sky and the birds and the boat. As a boy,…

  • Sparkle Dog: Dog of the Stars

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    ARSE4LIFE
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    Published in House House Magazine, debut issue Just after the middle of the 20th century, the exploration of outer space began moving from novels, stories, films, and comics—our collective human imagination—into real life. The USSR was the first to make big moves. In 1957 they successfully launched a small satellite called Sputnik 1 into orbit…

  • The Quilts

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    Christopher
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    Unpublished short fiction The mother went from life to fetid squalor on the day the son turned ten. A short illness was expected, punctuated by certain inescapable death. The son believed her even then the villain of her own pestilent narcissism. But then death never came, and forty years on, he sits cheerlessly by her…

  • TerrorZoo: Zoo of Horror

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    Christopher
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    Unpublished novel. 63,293 words. (Three chapter sample.) 1. Sylvia The anteaters were eating her face. It was the worst day of her life. Or maybe it was the second worst, if we get technical about it. Even while the anteaters ate her face, she did get technical about it, because with so many anteaters on…

  • What Do I Feed This Baby?

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    Christopher
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    Unpublished short fiction My wife found out she was pregnant using a home pregnancy test and we were excited. Three days later, before she’d even gone to see her doctor to confirm it, she went to a party to celebrate her friend’s adoption of an infant, which was brought back from Thailand. It was a…

  • The Bad Dog

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    Christopher
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    Published in The Harvard Advocate 159.3 — The Land IssueRunner Up: 2021 WLP Graduate Student Awards, Emerson College An acquaintance of mine got a baby and decided he needed to get rid of his dog. He said the dog was too rowdy, and he was worried it would hurt the baby. Fine, I said, I’ll…

  • The Auto-Heimlich

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    Christopher
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    Forthcoming in Lake Effect Almost every memory I have of Grandma Jo, going back to when I was a little boy, is of her choking. And I don’t mean that in a euphemistic way; I mean Grandma Jo was always choking—wheezing and struggling to breathe, turning blue in the face, waving her arms to get…

  • Taylor Dayne Told Me the Night Was Exploding

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    Christopher
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    Unpublished short fiction ’80s pop star Taylor Dayne sings that she “feels the night explode when we’re together” but that’s not how I feel about my wife. When we’re together I feel like the night is heating up some leftover ravioli in the microwave but the microwave misses spots and some of the raviolis are…

  • Someone Got Eaten

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    Christopher
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    Published in Quarterly West 115 Someone got eaten. It may have been Paulina, or it could have been Fitzjames, or perhaps it was Stanley. That rat bastard Stanley. It was probably him who got eaten. I can’t say for certain, but someone definitely got eaten here. Look at the bones. Look at the guts. I…

  • I Want to Fuck the Moon

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    Christopher
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    Unpublished short fiction My father died and I was surprised to learn he had been saving money all his life working construction and left the whole wad to me. All my life I thought we were poor but in reality he was just a very skillful cheapskate. It annoyed me to find out he was…