Christopher S. Wilson

Tag: Humor

  • TerrorZoo: Zoo of Horror

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    Christopher Wilson
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    Unpublished novel. 63,293 words. (Three chapter sample.) 1. Sylvia The anteaters were eating her face. It was the worst day of her life. Or maybe it was the second worst, if we get technical about it. Even while the anteaters ate her face, she did get technical about it, because with so many anteaters on…

  • What Do I Feed This Baby?

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    Christopher Wilson
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    Unpublished short fiction My wife found out she was pregnant using a home pregnancy test and we were excited. Three days later, before she’d even gone to see her doctor to confirm it, she went to a party to celebrate her friend’s adoption of an infant, which was brought back from Thailand. It was a…

  • The Bad Dog

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    Christopher Wilson
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    Forthcoming in The Harvard AdvocateRunner Up: 2021 WLP Graduate Student Awards, Emerson College An acquaintance of mine got a baby and decided he needed to get rid of his dog. He said the dog was too rowdy, and he was worried it would hurt the baby. Fine, I said, I’ll take the dog. I’d recently…

  • The Auto-Heimlich

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    Christopher Wilson
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    Unpublished short fiction Almost every memory I have of Grandma Jo, going back to when I was a little boy, is of her choking. And I don’t mean that in a euphemistic way; I mean Grandma Jo was always choking—wheezing and struggling to breathe, turning blue in the face, waving her arms to get the…

  • Taylor Dayne Told Me the Night Was Exploding

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    Christopher Wilson
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    Unpublished short fiction ’80s pop star Taylor Dayne sings that she “feels the night explode when we’re together” but that’s not how I feel about my wife. When we’re together I feel like the night is heating up some leftover ravioli in the microwave but the microwave misses spots and some of the raviolis are…

  • Sparkle Dog: Dog of the Stars

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    Christopher Wilson
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    Unpublished short fiction Just after the middle of the 20th century, the exploration of outer space began moving from novels, stories, films, and comics—our collective human imagination—into real life. The USSR was the first to make big moves. In 1957 they successfully launched a small satellite called Sputnik 1 into orbit around Earth, and its…

  • Someone Got Eaten

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    Christopher Wilson
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    Unpublished short fiction Someone got eaten. It may have been Paulina, or it could have been Fitzjames, or perhaps it was Stanley. That rat bastard Stanley. It was probably him who got eaten. I can’t say for certain, but someone definitely got eaten here. Look at the bones. Look at the guts. I think that’s…

  • I Want to Fuck the Moon

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    Christopher Wilson
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    Unpublished short fiction My father died and I was surprised to learn he had been saving money all his life working construction and left the whole wad to me. All my life I thought we were poor but in reality he was just a very skillful cheapskate. It annoyed me to find out he was…

  • Chow Down Saturdays at the Pig Slop

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    Christopher Wilson
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    Unpublished short fiction It is Florida 1985 and no one will fuck me. And no one has fucked me in five years and first dates never return my calls. This weighs on me heavily, and I can’t find a solution that doesn’t involve flagrant self-improvement. I look about for alternatives to satisfy my lust and…

  • Billy Beergut Drinks a Beer

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    Christopher Wilson
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    Unpublished short fiction Billy Beergut threw another beer at the television. He drank some more beer, then threw that beer at the television, too. The cans bounced off and fell on the carpet. There were a lot of old cans on the carpet. The whole apartment smelled like beer.      Billy Beergut had a beer gut and…